Blog - 11/8/06 - Raising Children
Currently, 70% of American households are either a single-parent household or both parents work full time. In the late 1960’s, 70% of American households had one parent that stayed home and raised children. One factor contributing to the change is that real estate costs have skyrocketed, making middle-class neighborhoods so expensive that both parents work full-time jobs in order to make enough money to pay the bills. Another factor, however, and one that we are less likely to admit, is that we are prisoners of our own materialism and consumerism. There is, of course, the ubiquitous house/car contest with the neighbors. Who lives in the biggest house? Who drives the nicest car? And it goes well beyond houses and cars, to wardrobes, vacations, stainless steel kitchens, entertainment—you name it. People lock themselves into large monthly payments to rate higher in the house/car/stuff contest and then sell their souls to meet those payments. We convince ourselves that we need all this stuff, that none of it is superfluous much less a luxury, that without it our children are at a disadvantage.
Who is living our lives when we make these choices? Are we living, or is it the car manufacturers, advertising firms, and Home Depot? That commercial interests exert enormous pressure on us is only fair; they are in the business of making money—period. It falls to each and every one of us to look after our own interests: the health and welfare of ourselves, our partners, our families, our communities. We have lost sight of what’s really important in life, favoring acquisition and consumption over doing without in order to just be there for each other. Our marriages are under assault, our children are virtual strangers to us, and if our sterile, neatly manicured neighborhoods look eerily vacant it’s because they are. Nobody’s home in America, except the nannies and babysitters who work hard to make a living like everyone else, but still make poor substitutes for parents. Studies have shown that children who are raised by a full-time parent have higher IQ’s than those entrusted to babysitters, nannies, and day care centers.
No one ever looks back on his/her life and wishes they’d spent more time at the office. Children clearly articulate to their parents the various consumer goods to which they feel entitled, often making the case that all their friends already have whatever it is that they now strenuously need. Forget about the video games, the sneakers, the stuff. The kids forget about them soon enough, anyway. What they don’t forget, what truly pays dividends in the long term, is the time spent together with their parents. Time spent reading with our children, having a catch, going for walks, doing chores, talking over ideas at the table, these are the investments that count. They may ask for loot, but our attention—not our buying power—is, in fact, precisely what they need.